EP 16: We're Honoring the Amazing Influential Women in Our Lives

For Mother's Day, we spoke to the wonderful women in our lives. In every episode, we share different cultures and perspectives, but today's episode is where we have seen the most differences thus far. We spoke to Amanda's and Taylor's moms, sharing their favorite stories and learning how they grew up in their culture, the relationships they had with their mothers and how it affected how they raised their children. Amanda's mom shares an amazing story of growing up in the projects and achieving a better life for her and her family; Taylor shares her history, explaining that her mom is really her aunt since her biological mother passed away when she was just a baby and Justine's shares memories and how she's been coping without her mother, who passed away last year. Whether you have a great relationship, bad relationship or somewhere in between with your mother or mother figure, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate and love them. Don't forget to continue the conversation on our social media pages. Happy Mother's Day!

Chapters

• 0:32 Amanda's Mom, Aurea
• 23:18 Taylor's Mom, Merita
• 45:49 Justine's Mom, Malou

Transcript

 Hey, y'all welcome to United AI. As friends podcast, a show where we try to unravel the complexities of our multi-cultural friendship and existing as millennials in today's world every other week, we'll get together for a deep dive into how our friendship has survived and have some laughs while doing it.

We're your hosts, Amanda Justine and Taylor.

Justine: [00:00:23] Okay welcome to another episode for United as friends. And today we are going to be talking to the moms in our lives as we're celebrating Mother’s Day.  Amanda, would you like to introduce your lovely mom? 

Amanda: [00:00:40] Yeah, my mom. So, her name's Aurea. Yeah. Hey mom. 

Justine: [00:00:45] What is your favorite memory or story with Amanda? 

Aurea: [00:00:51] Oh, God.  One in particular when she was born, that's the first one. And one of the things was at that time, there were babies being taken from the hospital. There's not security like there is now. And the first thing that came my mind was how am I going to identify this child that has to be a mark? So, in case someone takes her, I know, it's fine. That's the crazy stuff that goes to your head. And she has in her ear a little cut on her ear lobe. And I said, this is it. This is how I am going to identify her. If they ever take her. Okay. So that was the first memory that I have that no one's going to take my child. Okay. Cause I can always go to find her. Another thing was when Amanda always loves to talk to herself. She probably still does it. 

Justine: [00:01:42] Amanda, do you? 

Amanda: [00:01:43] I do. But it's more like what the fuck

Aurea: [00:01:49] Anywhere we go, she would have her little conversations, and I appreciated that because they reminded of me when I was also younger. I had a make-believe friend in Puerto Rico, and I must've stayed over there because when we came to United States, I stopped but that's another memory that I have about her. Another thing was when she was younger, cause she had to be, I don't know, fiver or so. We had a friend my sister-in-law's friend cut hair and he came to the house. And he said oh I can cut her hair and he started cutting her hair, hand. Her hair was very curly, and it fell on the floor. And she got hysterical. She said oh my God. I have a spider, spider! Okay. I would say some more stories, but that's it for now. She's probably blushing over there.

Amanda: [00:02:43] I'm actually not. 

Taylor: [00:02:46] We knew what we were getting into when we started. 

Justine: [00:02:49] Amanda, what is your favorite story or memory with your mom?

Amanda: [00:02:56] I was talking to my sister about this and we both thought the same thing, like the funniest story we could think of my mom. When we were younger, not that much younger teens, we went on a cruise. And I don't remember if it was her drink or someone else's drink, but it was a pina colada. She took a sip of it and she was already feeling the effect. She literally went Woo! I was like, what? 

Aurea: [00:03:26] I think it was the rocking of the boat. 

Amanda: [00:03:28] I'm sure. But not out of everyone in the family. She's the one who does not touch any form of alcohol at all. So yeah. 

Aurea: [00:03:39] Tiny, little bit. 

Amanda: [00:03:40] It's sip. She said someone else's drink. 

Taylor: [00:03:43] You don't need alcohol to be fun. All right. 

Amanda: [00:03:45] No. It's just very strange because the whole family drinks. 

Aurea: [00:03:50] You have to have someone stay sane, take care of everybody else.

Taylor: [00:03:52] I was going with you needed somebody who is going to be able to remember all the embarrassing stuff later.

Justine: [00:03:59] So we did talk about best qualities in the siblings episode. And so of course, Christina shared the best qualities for Amanda.  What is your daughter's best quality? 

Aurea: [00:04:09] What I would think that she's caring in her own way. She knows what I'm talking about.  She's determined when she's got something that she wants to do, she goes all out and she makes sure she does it the right way. There's no shortcuts. She likes things done in a certain manner not only at work. And oh, shoot can see in her school and her schoolwork, but also, I see it in her work, and she also blames me for that. She says. 

Amanda: [00:04:31] I inherited it from you. My workaholic-ness is from you. 

Aurea: [00:04:37] But she's dedicated, she's a good friend and I'm sure you guys and she has very few friends. That's not a bad thing, but she's true. It's not like she'll take a friend here and there. No, it's true. She has true girlfriends and she keeps that relationship. Okay. Which is important. 

Justine: [00:04:54] I agree with that. And I feel like I've read a few articles where it's even though you have a small number of friends, those are your deepest connections, and those are the ones that going to stay with you for a very long time as well. And Amanda, what is your mother's best quality? 

Amanda: [00:05:10] So her best quality is also the one that annoys me the most

Taylor: [00:05:20] Oh Amanda. 

Amanda: [00:05:21] You're too nice woman. 

Taylor: [00:05:25] Only you can have a problem with your mother being nice.

Amanda: [00:05:31] Yeah, no, she will go out of her way sometimes to help people Obviously, she going to help me cause I'm her daughter, but some other people it's like why? I don't think they do the same for you. 

Aurea: [00:05:43] Doesn't matter. It makes me feel good. Don't worry. 

Justine: [00:05:49] How would you describe your relationship with your daughter? 

Aurea: [00:05:54] My relationship with Amanda that is have a silent relationship, I would say. There's not much sometimes a lot of talking, but you can feel each other, I dunno if that kind of makes sense.

Taylor: [00:06:05] You guys were like in tune with each other. 

Aurea: [00:06:07] Yeah. 

Taylor: [00:06:07] Is that what you’re trying to say? 

Aurea: [00:06:09] Yeah. A lot of times it's not a lot of talking. There are communications in terms that yeah. She needs something or I need something and we're always there for each other, for sure. There's no, if buts about it, Okay. Like I said, it's like a silent thing. You don't need to have all kinds of words and hugging, Amanda does not big hugging. We all know that. 

Taylor: [00:06:28] Yes. We definitely know that 

Aurea: [00:06:30] Which is perfectly fine. There's other ways of expressing love. So that's where I guess it's that I keep saying that silent connection between the both of us, I don't know if that kind of makes sense, but that's what it is.

Justine: [00:06:41] Yeah. And when we had the love episode, Amanda was sharing, she shows love by giving gifts. And even with her siblings, it's just, they care, but they don't necessarily, like you said, they're silent or it's just Oh, I just came back from vacation. Oh, welcome back type of thing.  You know that the love is there, but you don't necessarily need to show it. 

Taylor: [00:07:05] I think Amanda's love for all of us is in just how observant she is. She notices things that the rest of us, it flies over our heads. And then she's okay, I got you a gift. And it’s minuscule, but it's so powerful in it showing the depth of how much she knows each of us. 

Justine: [00:07:23] Yes, very thoughtful, meaningful gifts. I remember she explained sharing some of the gifts that she was getting for her grandmother. And I'm like, wow, that is just so nice and so thoughtful. She puts a lot of thought into the gifts that she gets people. Are you getting irked out by all the compliments?

Taylor: [00:07:42] Her face is slowly getting more tighter and tighter. She's please stop talking about me. 

Amanda: [00:07:50] I know I'm so bad at this. 

Justine: [00:07:53] How does your culture define the parent child relationship?

Aurea: [00:07:58] I don't follow that much my culture, to be honest with you in a sense that there was a lot of discipline, a lot of strict discipline. And there's a lot of I don't wanna say screaming, but loudness. I don't like that. I don't like to follow that. I'm more of a calm person. I like serenity. And you're a taught right and wrong and you just follow that. And I don't like punishment. I don't like it upon myself. I don't like to give it to others. I've always lived by what you don't like someone to do to you. Don't do it to nobody else. Plain and simple. I try to do that and my culture sometimes not like that. Okay. They spontaneously react without thinking about the consequences. I don't like to think that way. A lot of Spanish moms, and they like to like I said, there's a lot of type of discipline that I'm not a fan of. I know a lot of hitting and. No talking nonsense that I'm not really not a fan of. I liked, like I said you don't want something to be done to yourself. Don't do it to others. I don't like screaming. I don't like none of that stuff. And if they do scream, then you know, that I'm really pissed. So, then that's when you're like, okay, I can count on my hand probably the number of times I've done that, but I don't know. And another thing is in our culture we have this. I guess stigmatism when I was growing up that when I was in school, as a Spanish woman, you were not going to amount to much. You're just going to get married and have all these kids and live off of welfare. I was determined that I was not going to be that type of statistic. Okay. And that's why I made sure that I did not. Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in the projects. Absolutely. That I grew up in a system. Yes. Cause I grew up my grandmother and obviously she didn't work, and we had to use the system, but I was determined that I was not going to be part of the system and my children were not going to be part of that system.

Justine: [00:09:42] Wow. That's great. I feel like I have just so many follow up questions into digging into the culture of, like even like why would women not amount to anything? And that's also great that you didn't want that, and you wanted to do something different. 

Amanda: [00:09:58] I didn't know that part at all. Cause I, again, you were my role model, obviously. And you were like this super woman, there was a time when you were managing at work, you were going to college getting your bachelor's. You were also raising a whole family because we were still young at the time. We still very much catechism too. Oh, that's right. Yes. You were at teaching Sunday school. So, to me, it's like you could do all. And so, to hear that you were in, growing up, you were pretty much told no, you can't do all right. That's all that that to me was very surprising, 

Aurea: [00:10:32] When we first came to this country and my role model is my grandmother. When we first came to this country, she ran away from her husband. He was very abusive, and she was blind, and she would, they, it took her a whole year to plan this escape. And she had sent her children that were a little bit older to come to this country, three of them, and they came, and they worked the whole year saving up money so that they can give us our plane tickets, get us clothing, buying an apartment because we were still, let me see was it was six of us still and my grandmother. They work the whole year, and they would send money to one relative who lived in town so that my grandfather didn't see that there was much money coming in. She would hold the money for her. When it was time to leave. She bought our air, plane tickets clothing and we literally escaped. It was come to this country. After we got here, everybody started working and she had minors still. And. She  was an epileptic and she had a seizure and she ended up in the hospital and there a social worker. I always remember the social worker came to the house, explaining to her that she was entitled to welfare. She was not interested in that welfare system. She says they have children. They work, we don't need that, but they kept insisting. And eventually obviously, they took it to her because they explained to her medical and blah, blah, blah, blah. But. We had a friend that we met in church. This gentleman always remember of his name. His name was Tony Paris. He was a businessman, Puerto Rican businessman who own a funeral home. He owned a furniture store and very active in the community and was explaining to my grandmother how the welfare system was designed for people so that you can live off the system so that you didn't have to work and take jobs from the white American, people because remember we're Puerto Rican's. We have all same legal rights as everyone else. We weren't immigrants, they don't, they can't. Say, okay. No, you, we can't pay you minimum wage. They have to pay us minimum wage. So, he always explained to my grandmother as much as you can, yes. I understand your situation is different because you have minors. You're blind. You can't go to work, but only get for your minors. Don't put your other children on the system, make sure that they go to work. And always remember that. And it always stood in my mind that I was not going to be part of that system. And I know, I always remember her talking about that and no, you have, to the, her older children know you go to work and, yes, we're going to have this system for, because again, she was blind and more, she took it more because of the medical. Because it paid for all her medical bills, and she was an epileptic, she was a diabetic, she had heart conditions. So, her children wouldn’t put the burden. That was the only reason why she got on the system. But in her eyes, we should not be on the system. That we were Americans just like everyone else and that we should, work like everyone else and we should be paid for our services like everyone else. So had that in me that I was not going to be part of that system. I was not going to be another statistic. I'm going to try to do my best to better myself in one way or another. I started school. I started associates in computer programming and got married. Then I wanted to finish my education, but I wanted to wait until my kids were all day in school, so while they were going to school, I was also going to school. I used to go at night. Thank God my husband was supportive. And then the kids did that. Wonderful. And I cannot complain. 

 Taylor: [00:14:01] Thank you for sharing that. That's wonderful story. 

Amanda: [00:14:04] I do have a question regarding the culture. Why did you not teach your children Spanish?

 Aurea: [00:14:18] That was one of my biggest downfalls I would say. Definitely. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I don't know. And it's funny because I spoke it all my life. But yet you guys understand it because your grandmother didn't speak and she took care of you, but you would answer in English. Both grandmothers, obviously you would answer to them in English. Yeah. That was one of my, that was one part of the culture that I did not follow. And I'm really sorry for that. Sorry guys. 

Taylor: [00:14:47] No exactly. Amanda can ask them now to teach her. Is she can't be the only person attacking you. You could attack her back a little bit and say, Hey, you could have come to me at any point, asked me ma I want to learn Spanish. That was my bad. Very good. Bad on my part, Yeah. With everything Amanda has been sharing and what you've been sharing about us, you were a super woman already, so it's not a huge bad. You were doing tons in that time. Amanda, you can get yourself an app to learn some Spanish. Okay. Your mom's got a lot on her plate,  

but I can speak to you all the time in Spanish now.

Justine: [00:15:26] There you go. There you go.

Taylor: [00:15:33] You can't do that. She's willing to work with you to learn that. Okay. It's not, people can still learn languages. It's not going to be like one, two, three easy pickup, but Amanda, you're turning 30. It's not like you're 70. She can teach you Spanish.

Justine: [00:15:51] I do have a question in regard to the disciplining. In my culture, they hit their children with the belt, slippers, hand, things like that. So how did you discipline your children? 

Aurea: [00:16:02] Amanda, there wasn't much discipline, to be honest with you. I'm not saying she was the perfect child, but way. No, one's perfect. Amanda. My biggest challenge was obviously Christina she did get quite a bit of punishment and but again the punishment wasn't, like I said, we never hit, it was more, no watching this or. After, when she had her cell phone, it was taken away things to that nature.

I was never big on hitting. We were just more of talking, if he did something wrong, and keep on moving, can't dwell on stuff like that. As long as you explained to them, what it is, and then keep on, like I said, my biggest challenge was Christina.

Justine: [00:16:45] What was your hope and dream for Amanda? 

Aurea: [00:16:49] I want her just to go to college and have her career. That was my biggest thing with her. Obviously, I would love her to, have a family, but she doesn't want to have kids, but you never know, things can change along the way.

Amanda: [00:17:01] I do know. I do know.

 Aurea: [00:17:06] I. Wish for that, because I don't want her to be alone after me her father passed away. I do want her to have concrete family, where she has kids and her husband, to experience that. But if that is her choice, I cannot force that on her, obviously. As far as her education, she's done fantastic. She's finished it. She's done her masters. Now she's working on her CPA. I also told her she should think about forensic accounting. That's another field 

Amanda: [00:17:33] Forensic. 

Justine: [00:17:34] What is forensic accounting? 

Aurea: [00:17:36] It's like a lawyer in a sense. Investigating all these frauds, basically. 

Justine: [00:17:41] That sounds so exciting. 

Taylor: [00:17:45] We can finally tie in criminal justice and

Aurea: [00:17:52] There was a lot of fraud in accounting, and you need people to do that, and you should become expert in that. How much money we making just the one client alone and divorce court and divorces, there are these big people that make all this money they need forensic accounting to help them figure out where is all this money been hitting at?

And so, this that's big money in that. 

Justine: [00:18:13] That sounds really exciting. Amanda, you should try that out. Yeah.  One last question for you. Thinking about your relationship with your daughter throughout her life, how would you want your relationship to change moving forward?

Aurea: [00:18:29] Like I said, I would love for her to think about.  I'm worrying about her now, but obviously when I'm gone though, but just to make sure that she is not left alone, I'm looking at, the way you're looking at me Amanda.

Amanda: [00:18:45] I'm just wondering why you think I'd be alone. Like I'd have plenty of dogs. That's probably like the creepy cat lady.

 Justine: [00:18:59] And you act like what? I'm not going to talk to Junior or Christina ever again. 

Aurea: [00:19:03] Yes you are. And I know, and you're going to have more nieces and nephews obviously.  I compare you to Odie She never gotten married, and she has all these nieces and nephews that will be taking care of her. So yes. So, tell your siblings to have more nieces and nephews. 

Amanda: [00:19:17] Okay. Sure. They like children. They'll be fine with that. 

Aurea: [00:19:20] That's my thing that I worry most about Amanda.  As long as she's happy that's perfectly fine too. If he's happy being alone, which probably she is then I'm happy.

Justine: [00:19:29] Amanda, same question for you. 

Amanda: [00:19:31] No, I think our relationship is fine the way it is.  Like I said, we're not the type to bear our emotions or anything like that. Just knowing that no matter what, she's there for me, that's all I really need. 

Aurea: [00:19:42] I'll be there. 

Amanda: [00:19:43] Yeah, you don't really have much of a choice. 

Taylor: [00:19:47] Wow. She does have a choice. She's allowed to have her own ideas and life 

Amanda: [00:19:51] She can't abandon me. It was her choice to have me. 

Taylor: [00:19:57] Oh my God.

Aurea: [00:20:00] I'm her Uber driver, right? 

Justine: [00:20:03] Because she's still don't drive. 

Taylor: [00:20:07] Oh, you're her fashion consultant. I remember that one. 

Amanda: [00:20:12] I was like, mom, she's no, just take them both 

Aurea: [00:20:17] Yeah. Christina is her fashion consultant now.  

Justine: [00:20:21] Amanda, in honor of Mother’s Day, what would you like to say to your mom for all these almost 30 years of being in your life and, raising you and providing for you? 

Amanda: [00:20:36] Thanks for being you, lady. 

Aurea: [00:20:38] Thanks for being me. 

Amanda: [00:20:39] Because let’s be honest. Looking at some of the other women in our family, it could have been a very different route that you could have gone, how you could have raised us. And so yes, extremely grateful for you being you and yeah. It's always nice to know that no matter, like I could probably do something horribly wrong, and you'd never abandoned me. You'd never turn your back on me.  Again, like some other people in our family have done so I'm very happy with the way life has gone these almost 30 years. And I owe obviously a great deal of that to you. When it came to many of my big life decisions, you were always that person that I would go to, to have that conversation with especially when it came to college. Cause I kept flip-flopping on what I was doing, but you never once was like, hurry up and make a decision. No, you were just very patient and calm and just like it takes time. So yes. Thank you very much. You're welcome very much. Can I get a hug?

Taylor: [00:21:44] Not even a virtual hug. Virtual hug, hug the monitor. 

Amanda: [00:21:57] All right, there you go, lady. 

Justine: [00:22:02] You can attack her later with a hug. We'll be okay with that.  

Taylor: [00:22:07] We completely with you. Thank you, Mrs. Gonzalez, for giving us Amanda.

 Aurea: [00:22:15] And I'm glad that you guys are all her friends, it always worried me that when she had good friends, because and she was always been like a loner out of them. My three children, the other ones were more social. And she wasn't. So, it always worried me in the back of my mind, but I'm so happy that she's got these friends that always, she's always talks about you guys always. Now I'm more at ease now to think about it that she's not going to be alone. When me and my husband passed. So, guess what you guys do. 

Justine: [00:22:42] We'll be here 

Aurea: [00:22:43] Keep an eye on her. 

Taylor: [00:22:46] She really has stuck with us at this point. Yeah. 

Justine: [00:22:50] Thank you again so much for joining us on the podcast. We really appreciate it, and we love hearing your story. And of course, your thoughts about Amanda. So, thank you so much. 

Aurea: [00:23:04] thank you for having me.  It was a pleasure. I'm sure Amanda, you learn little things about me, and I learned some little things about you also.  

 Justine: [00:23:18] Taylor is great. Would you like to introduce who you brought on the podcast today? 

Taylor: [00:23:24] Certainly. Okay. So, this is my mama. This is Merita Cameron, a little background information for not everybody who knows. When I was 14 months old, my mom passed away my biological mother. Brenda, Merita's sister passed away. And instead of us being sent to our father, since we lived in the house already, they were like, it's no brainer. We're keeping you. So, my mom stepped in, she became our legal guardian. She was a working woman herself. She was single, career-driven woman. All of a sudden, she's got an 11-year-old and a 14-month-old. And she was like, you guys are my inheritance.  There's nothing that says you're not mine. You've been mine since you came home. And yeah, she's been my mom. She's been what I've known my whole life. And I'm very grateful for her. 

Justine: [00:24:17] What a lovely introduction. And Merita, I love that you also listened to the podcast. You're an avid listener. 

Merita: [00:24:26] I love them. I love them. And I can see that you want to get more and more comfortable as you're doing them also. 

Justine: [00:24:35] Yeah, we definitely are.  Thank you so much for joining us today. And obviously we’d love to hear all the stories about Taylor. I'm literally calling you Malori in my head. I don't know why. No idea why there's no other time when I'm calling Mal but like today is just like Mal. Anyway.

Taylor: [00:24:59] Oh, she's gonna love that. You know how every time we report, I have to tell you guys, because I don't normally tell you this. Every time we finish recording. I come upstairs and Mal goes, okay. So, did you guys talk about me today? And I'm like, you're not in the center of the podcast, she goes. Yeah. But you mentioned me at least once. And I'm like, not my doing, I know your spirit animal and your best friend. Yes. Y'all is not me. 

Justine: [00:25:25] Okay. So, let's, I'm just going to try to not call you Mal. But anyway. So Merita what is your favorite memory or story with Taylor? 

Merita: [00:25:35] I actually have two favorite memories. One. The first one is I had gone to Europe with Malori on an extended vacation. She was playing soccer and it was the first time he going to be traveling out of the country. She really didn't know the people that she was going to be with. So, I went along when I got back home. And I remember before we, as we were getting ready to leave, I took a picture of Taylor. And she was sitting on the stairs and she looks forlorn because we were getting ready to leave her. So, when I got back home, I arranged just a trip for the two of us to go to North Carolina to visit her godparents. So that was the first time we had to see us to just bond together without anybody else being around. And the second one is reading a view from Saturday and family reading. 

Taylor: [00:26:23] Oh, come on. You stole mine.  

Merita: [00:26:25] The view from we, we just had so much fun reading that Taylor was so involved with it. The story was so great talking about kids. But it just started us on a journey. Which reading. We got into the Harry Potter, and it turned out my mother got involved with the Harry Potter, series and, Malori, she eventually got involved with it, although she was at college, but we would read it, all, read the stories together. And it wasn't a lot of fun. 

Justine: [00:26:50] Nice. Which one is your favorite Harry Potter book? 

Merita: [00:26:53] The Order of the Phoenix. 

Justine: [00:26:56] Oh. Oh, okay. Taylor, do you know, 

Taylor: [00:26:58] I did not know. I didn't know. That was her favorite 

Justine: [00:27:01] Well what is your favorite one?

Taylor: [00:27:02] I think mine is the Goblet of Fire. That's the one I've read the most times. I've I think I've read that one four or five times and I cannot tell you why I'm fascinated with it. I just really liked that book. 

Justine: [00:27:15] So what is your favorite memory, your story with your mom? 

Taylor: [00:27:19] She took mine. It was my favorite.

Justine: [00:27:23] We've got to pick up another one. Come on. 

Taylor: [00:27:25] I know, but reading, I think it's because it's been such a big part of my life. It was the family reading because it was the first time, I feel like the two of us in something together, but it was just us. Cause everything has always been as a family. And then that was my, okay, we're doing something outside of the house together.  

Merita: [00:27:45] It was funny because they told us to bring a book. What book did we Bring? Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Everybody else came with these little thin books, whether it was a couple of pages long, we had chapters. And so, we talk about that. 

Taylor: [00:28:03] My mom had read up and this was when JK Rowling would first made it across the pond to the United States. And you hear a little talk about it wasn't she wasn't blown up yet, but we were like, okay, this is something we can do. But yeah, I just remember after so many years of sharing her, being able to just be like, okay, this is us just, I'm so excited. 

Justine: [00:28:26] What is Taylor's best quality? 

Merita: [00:28:28] Taylor'

s best qualities are her generosity and her desire to always help others.

Taylor: [00:28:34] Aww, you're not gonna elaborate.  

Merita: [00:28:38] She extends herself so much sometimes, just and she's so tired. She seems like she's so tired, but she does it. 

 Justine: [00:28:45] And then Taylor, what is your mom's best quality?

Taylor: [00:28:48] So my mom's best qualities are that she is so patient, and she is the best cheerleader ever at the same time. So, patience is she will tell me to do something and whether it's advice or I needed to do it, or this is something that's going to help you. I'll hear it. And it’ll be in my head. I'm not always, most of the time I'm going to do it immediately, but eventually I get there, and she nudges me. She nudges me. There's sometimes I can see she's extremely frustrated with me and that I don't take the advice when she gives it to me. But then she's okay, I know you're your own person. I'm not going to harp on you about it, but. You get there and the fact that she doesn't give up on me or any of us really, it's awesome. And yeah, and she's the best cheerleader for us. She never missed any game.  Any show we did anything. She was always there. She's always rooting for us and it's nice to have somebody that's always in your corner.

Justine: [00:29:57] So I'm sure that, from our previous episodes, we did talk about family dynamics and wanting to know how would you describe your relationship with your daughter?

Merita: [00:30:08] We have a good relationship, we argue, we disagree. It's not always peaches and cream, but we have a good relationship. We understand one another and it's always done with love and respect. That's the most important part of it. But shopping together with a challenge that was. Oh, we just basically had different tastes. I do a thing. We were shopping for Taylor most of the time. So, we'd have different tastes. What I thought was good for her, she didn't like, something like that because it was a challenge, but she was able to go shopping by herself. That was a blessing. 

Taylor: [00:30:43] It definitely was. 

Merita: [00:30:47] Yeah. We spend a lot of time. We'll watch TV together, there's certain shows we'll watch together.  We just enjoy enjoying each other's company and we spend time discussing different topics, the current events, whatever. So, we just spent a lot of time enjoying each other's company. 

Justine: [00:31:08] Taylor, were you going to say something about the shopping? 

Taylor: [00:31:10] Oh yeah, no, I was just wanted my. No, it was, it's just, my mom's very conservative in dress. Y'all know me and my up there, color schemes and what I'm willing to put on any day. She's can you just put on this? And I'm like, yeah, I tolerated those shopping things that she tolerated me right back. But yeah, for our relationship we're very like she said, it's very, everything is done with love and respect.  

Justine: [00:31:52] How does your culture defined the parent child relationship?

Merita: [00:31:56] Respect is very important, love and respect. Keeping the family together, the most important part of it because of our history. Being broken, family being broken up, that was something that was very important and always emphasize, we have to stick together, we have to be together. And I've tried to pass that on to them, as much as my parents did with us.

Justine: [00:32:15] And how was your relationship with your mom? I know you were saying love and respect as well. 

Merita: [00:32:20] It was my mom relationship we had all the confrontations; it was because we're so similar. That's the bottom line. We would a lot of light gold don't I never saw it with my mom, me and my mother, but I believe we will, because we were sold so much alike that when she looked at me, she said, this is what I want you to do, but you're not doing it. Yeah. It was always like, Oh, we've done with love and respect. And we had a good relationship. 

Taylor: [00:32:47] You also need to tell them about the designation between the three siblings who she had discussions with each about. 

Merita: [00:32:55] My mother just told me, she said, each of you had a role in my life. When I wanted to play, I got your brother. He was the oldest. When I wanted to be affectionate and cuddled and stuff, she'd get Brenda, my youngest sister. When she wanted to have a serious talk, she got me. Now, what does the five-year old know about serious talk. That's what I always wanted to know, but yeah. Okay. So, what is she telling me at five years old that I could, comprehend and give her a response to it, but that's what she would tell me. She said if I wanted to have a serious talk, I would get you. I guess I would always feel like I was always an old soul.

Justine: [00:33:38] So is Taylor like you?

Merita: [00:33:41] I think when I think about it, I'm not sure, but I do believe she is. Like I said, I'm not really seeing it, but I think it's another reason why we bump heads sometimes because the things I'm expect her to do she doesn't do it, but I said, okay, this is wherever it is, so what goes around, comes around. So, I said, whatever, what I put up on my mother, she's putting off one me. We just go along with it. Sometimes I think those things occur because you see your own shortcomings in that other person. And so, I think, and I think that's why you have such a strong reaction when they do something that you don't really like because you do it yourself and you don't like it in yourself. So, I just that's how I explained it to myself. I said that's probably something that I did. And I didn't like it to myself. Just you just go on move, move forward from it.  

Justine: [00:34:28] How different or similar is your parenting style from what you've experienced? To of course raising Taylor. 

Merita: [00:34:36] I like to involve them in certain decisions that are made, where my parents they pretty much made all the decisions in the house, like I involve them because if it's something that's going on in the house, it's going to involve them because they're part of the home, so I try to get them involved with it and have some input, whatever we go into. So, they feel like they were part of it and not left out.  But I think being connected to them, you're trying to be connected to them. Just have them being grown as people. If it's important to know that these are the types of decisions you have to make, even like buying a refrigerator, I talked to them about it. They just waved me off of whatever, but it's important that they learn how to do these things. And that's why I'd like to get them involved with that type of thing. 

Taylor: [00:35:26] But going off of that parenting style, so I can open up the floor for Justine to finally ask this question that she has been chomping at the bit to get to. So, from what I've heard from the stories of them being children, to what she did with me and Malori, one of the big differences was in the discipline style.

So, whereas we talked about in previous episodes, how, in both of your cultures, it’s expected to you hit them with a belt that you whip them or something like that with the spoon or something like that.  That was more of my grandmother's generation, but my mom had a new spin on it. Now you can ask your question So Taylor 

Justine: [00:36:05] described it as a psychological discipline. So, we were just very intrigued on, how did you decide that was the best type of disciplining for Taylor?

And yeah, I’m sure I'm going to have follow up questions, but I just wanted to get you started on that conversation and that way we can just hear cause we think it's really amazing. I would have wanted a psychological disciplining versus physical disciplining because I don't think it did anything for me whatsoever.

Merita: [00:36:36] Exactly. And that's the point. My parents believed in spare the rod spoil the child.  I felt like I didn't learn anything from that, so when I got to the point where I was going to have the discipline, I said, you know what, I'm going to, I want to do it differently because that doesn't work. It didn't work for me.  I had more of an impact when my parents sat down and talked with me and made me feel. Different. I became, I felt shamed because I did something that hurt them as opposed to, just spank them and get it on out the way, but that talking to somebody leaves more of an impact on you. I think. So, when they came along, I'll sit down and talk with them about what they had done. Sometimes they got the writing assignments. Or they weren't a little bit like writing assignments either. 

Taylor: [00:37:27] They were large writing assignments. Yeah. And in one case Malori, she her mother was still living at the time and I had heard that Malori wouldn't go to sleep.

And my sister kept telling Malori go to sleep. And she wouldn't go to sleep. So, I finally got involved with it.  I said, Brenda, do you mind if I take Malori for a while? She said, sure.  So, I've got Malori in my room. And I said, Oh, so you want to stay up? Huh? So, I said, sit down on the floor. We'll watch television. Malori got down there on the floor and she started getting comfortable and sleepy. And then every time she started to nod off. I say, Hey, you can't go to sleep yet. You want to stay up all night. I said, stay up. It went on for about an hour before I actually allowed her to go to sleep, but she learned something from that. It's not like I didn't put my hands on anything, just sit there and watch television. That's new since you want to stay up so that he knows those psychological things that makes a better impact. I think, makes you think about what the what did I do to cause this. 

Justine: [00:38:35] Yeah. And we do have evidence. Taylor always says she is the paranoid friends, so she's always thinking of the different scenarios of the outcomes and such and yeah, I think that would have been really great for any, just, I think that's it great in general, because they really have to, they're talking about their feelings and like you said, acknowledging how it's hurt their parents in whatever way. They're learning from it. And they're able to talk about it. Whereas, when you're hitting a child, it’s just instilling fear into them. And then it's led, like I said, in the previous episodes, it's led me to ignore my dad and just run away from him every time he comes home and just like, all right, if I just stay in my room and do nothing wrong, or you say hi, and then I just run away in my room and stay there. I'm good. And there's nothing else that needs to be done. Yeah, it was really interesting to hear. And if I ever have kids, I am going to be psychologically disciplining them. 

Merita: [00:39:40] Yeah, I think it's much better. Like you're not putting your head, you're not hitting them and instilling fear in them yet. They learn something from it.  Yeah. I remember my mother she had the slipper and I'd done something in the kitchen, and she took her slipper off and it was a thick slipper and she hit me on my behind and she was a couple of times and she broke the slipper. I said, does that make you feel better? And she just looked at me.

Taylor: [00:40:15] Do you guys see where I get my reaction from now?

Merita: [00:40:20] Do you feel better now? I guess she thought about it. I was making the point to her.  I think that was the last time that happened.

Justine: [00:40:34] Lesson learned. So, what was your hope and dream for Taylor? 

Merita: [00:40:41] My hopes and dreams for Taylor and Malori was that they get to become the best possible version of themselves that they could.  I didn't want to instill in them my hopes and dreams for them. You do have them; they have to live their life. And the only way they're going to be happy if people are not telling them what they need to do, whatever. So that was it just being, becoming the best possible versions of themselves. 

Justine: [00:41:10] And Taylor, where do you see yourself in, in that? Are you close to the best possible self? 

Taylor: [00:41:17] Oh, no, I'm not. I know we're not. And I've had this conversation before. I think ma, you and I have had this conversation about, I'm still trying to figure it out. Like I did. I did everything. in all of my major stages in life. I've done what I'm supposed to do. You go through school, you get good grades, you do your activities. You do well. You get acknowledged you graduate, you go to college, you get a job. I've done everything I'm supposed to do, but I'm not at that point where I am. I'm not doing the best that I could do because I, like I said, I don't have an effective work-life balance. I not in a field that I plan to be in. Or had any aspirations to be in, but I am where I'm supposed to be right now, because if I had done in each one of these stages, I had, if I did, if you go left or if you go right. And no matter what decision I've made, even though going right, might've been better. I went left, but it turned out that left was where I was supposed to be in that moment. So even though I know what my mom's expectations are for my life, I'm still getting there.  And yeah.  I know. I'm not the best version of myself, but I'm process.  I'm not just one thing. I'm a lot of things. 

Justine: [00:42:35] Yeah. I think everyone's a work in progress.  

Taylor: [00:42:38] And I gotta say it really did make a difference growing up, having you home.  I didn't come from a traditional house. It wasn't like she was married and had somebody else to fall back on. She was a single woman with, yes. You still had like grandma who was still alive at that point for what I was supposed to be growing up.

But. She was doing it on her own with two kids. She was handling all the decisions, all the healthcare, all school, making sure both of us did what we wanted to do, getting both of us to where we needed to do, making sure everybody was fed clothed and everything. And just having that security and all the way, just that warm feeling all the time helped. I always felt safe. I always felt loved and adored and stuff. It did help. It did. 

Justine: [00:43:23] That's so sweet. Thinking about your relationship with Taylor, from when she was born to, of course now, how would you want your relationship to change moving forward? 

Merita: [00:43:36] We have a great relationship, like I said, we can open communications to add to, as a matter of fact, Taylor tells me more than she probably would. I feel like you should tell me sometimes, but that's okay. That's okay. If she's willing to share it with me, I'm okay with it. But yeah, no, I wouldn't change a thing about her. 

Taylor: [00:43:56] We're gonna have to revisit that so you can tell me what I need to not tell you.

Merita: [00:44:03] It's funny. I just go with it.

Justine: [00:44:04] Taylor.  How would you want your relationships to change in the future? Or even would you want your relationships to change moving forward? 

Taylor: [00:44:11] No, I don't. I don't think okay. The one thing about our relationship I would like to change in the future is that I would like for her to rely on me and Mal more.

And it's, I think it's the nurturing that we grew up with and we want to return that tenfold to your parents for everything they've done for you. And she is very stubborn and she's very independent and I love that about her, but sometimes we're like, we have to force it on her, and she will admit to that.

Justine: [00:44:46] Of course, in honor, of Mother’s Day Taylor, what would you say to your mom? For all the time that she's raised you up until your, you being almost 30.  So, what would you say to your mom? 

Taylor: [00:44:59] I want to say thank you, mommy.  You put your life on hold and just picked up. You picked up the baton when my mom, my biological mother had to put it down for us, you picked it up and you just like Flojo, you just took off. I'm gonna make sure these girls get what they need. They're gonna do it. And nobody's going to stop them from doing whatever they want.

Justine: [00:48:11] Thank you so much for joining us on our podcast. 

Merita: [00:48:15] Oh you're welcome. I enjoyed this so much. And it's good. I see Amanda every now and then, I haven't seen you in a long time Justine, but I'm glad to see you, continue to take care of yourself. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome.

 Justine: [00:48:35] I do want to say I've really; I don't know how many times I've said this on the podcast or off podcasts, but I really enjoy the different dynamics that we have as friends or the different ways that we are raised. And that way we can tell. And share different perspectives. And it's not just, as society with all the, the TV shows that you have of the perfect family that fights every once in a while. I like that we just have so many different again, perspectives of how we grew up and different types of relationships that we have with our family members as well. I really. I really am growing to appreciate it so much more. 

Taylor: [00:49:20] Oh yeah. Cause it really helps us better understand each other. Cause like I thought I knew you guys, especially Justine, because I've known Justine more than half of my life at this point, but I thought I had, I knew stuff about you guys, but even us just doing this podcast seeing the sibling interactions and hearing their responses and now hearing our moms’ responses, it helps me understand how we approach things very distinctly and yeah, it is. It's great to see. 

Justine: [00:49:54] Like your mom said, you can see that we are much more comfortable with sharing so much more, in depth information and reflecting on ourselves as well. So, I appreciate you guys for sharing all that.

Taylor: [00:50:11] We appreciate you for being vulnerable with us too. 

Justine: [00:50:15] As time to get really vulnerable. With me, because 

Taylor: [00:50:23] start open up the Father’s Day conversation now.

Justine: [00:50:28] No, to be honest, I'll be good on Father’s Day because with being 13 and the parents divorced and then not really being close to my father, I'm completely fine with that. But Mother’s Day in general. I don't really care about the holiday. But being vulnerable in this specific section, we're talking to people who have lost their mothers, whether that's, just recently or even a few years ago because there are people who don't have that motherly figure, whether that is through a mother, biological mother or even with your extended family. So, I think it's great again, that's why I really enjoy the dynamic that we have or the different perspectives, because now we can talk about, a perspective that is not really highlighted so much that people who have lost their mothers or don't have again a mother figure.

Taylor: [00:51:22] How has this past year, since we're coming up on the one-year anniversary for your mom.  How have you been? I know that prior to your mom passing, you had moved out of the house, you were across the country then like now you're completely out of the country. I know that you hadn't really, it wasn't like an everyday catch up with your mom. Calling and everything, but you knew it was there for you when you needed her. How has the absence of that affected you this year? 

Justine: [00:51:56] I don't know. I feel like that's a big question, but with the lot of the decision-making that I had to do, she didn't have too much of an impact on it either. So being able to say, Hey, I want to go to London and, go to university and do my masters.  I was just really excited about that opportunity to do that, but actually going here and, people are always asking me, are you excited? It was bittersweet because it's like, yeah, I'm able to make it here because unfortunately my mom passed away and I have the means that I can come here. So, it was bittersweet.  I'm still in the denial stage.  In the stages of grief. I'm still in denial that she's not here. So yeah, because also I didn't see her pass away. I wasn't there. I was a day too late. And here we go. Unfortunately, she passed away from the Corona virus. She was a nurse. She did have a patient that had the virus and of course she got it and because she has asthma. It was harder for her to survive through that. And it was, it was since we're in March, it was that first hit where nobody knew what to do and it was all hell, shit hit the fan. So, it was really hard. And I remember I booked a flight the week after, like when she told me that she got it or was just really sick. I remember booking a flight the week after. Cause I said, all right, if she’s still sick for that week or.  If she doesn't get better, then I'm going to fly out there. And then it just kept escalating. And so, I was like, okay. So let me just book a flight closer to, like within the next few days. And again, it was unfortunately a day too late where I just got the call and then, I was like my flights, I think it was even that night. I was flying out. I can't remember anymore. But yeah, it was just a day too late and didn't really get to see her. So, I think that's why I’m in denial because she wasn't there physically for most of the stuff that I had to do because that wasn't our relationship. It was more similar to Amanda's relationship where, I called her when I needed her or spoke to her when I needed her. But. I always knew that she, was there for me. But she didn't need to be in every single aspect of my life. I know I've mentioned this before, but I've. Join the grief support groups, because, with my family in general, we don't talk about our feelings. And I feel more comfortable talking about my feelings to strangers rather than close friends and family. But now I'm getting more comfortable with talking to you guys about it, but I was wondering like, what would be really good to help me through the grief. But I feel like the grief support group has helped in sharing those feelings and also hearing how other people have been able to move forward, not necessarily move on, but move forward with their lives because they've lost people as well. So, I've in addition, read the book Motherless Daughters. And I felt that was really helpful because I was feeling angry and guilty at myself, because it wasn't there or I'm doing things because now she's not here to air quote, tie me down. But the book is saying you don't need to feel guilty. You shouldn't feel anger and all that other stuff. So that has helped as well. 

Taylor: [00:55:29] That’s awesome because our situations are very different. So, when I interact with you guys, Merita's my mom, but like in our family, everybody knows she’s, my aunt. So, growing up, hearing the stories about my biological mother through other people's eyes, I always resented the fact that I didn't get to have any of those memories, but everybody around me did. And it was something that took, it took a lot of time to get to be like, okay, you just need to, you need to get past that. I just need to find those qualities within myself in my own way for who she was.  On a happier note, do you have any favorite memories with your mom that you'd like to share with us? 

Justine: [00:56:17] Actually one of the last calls that I had with her it was a video call and it was about my situation in LA, but long story short.  I think she was like showing me something and she had to flip the camera and she’s 62. And doesn't really know technology very well. So, she had to flip the camera and I was walking her through it to flip it and just show me something. And then she flipped it back on her and I don't know what she pressed, but then she had some sort of filter. And so, she was just like on her face. I don't know what it was, but. She was laughing hysterically because, she saw obviously herself and she's I don't know how to turn this off. And I feel like I also, like she has a pretty high pitched, laugh as well. I feel like I've inherited her laugh somewhat, but we were laughing hysterically at her filter that she just didn't know how to turn it off.

Amanda: [00:57:13] That's a good one though. Actually, you mentioned some, like you inherited the hyena laugh. Do you feel like you inherited anything else? 

Justine: [00:57:22] Her love of sweets. That's why I'm like, I don't know if I'm pre like I going to be a diabetic soon, but yeah, she loves sweets and I remember making fun of her. I remember her. Sitting at the table one time and eating ice cream out of the tub. And I made fun of her for eating ice cream out of the tub. I was like, why are you doing that? She was like less dishes you have to wash. You just have to wash the spoon. And then you just put the ice cream back in the freezer.

Amanda: [00:57:56] That's smart though. 

Justine: [00:57:58] Yes. Like I did make fun of her, but honestly, I do eat ice cream out of the tub because I'm like, Hey. Less things you have to watch. And if it's my ice cream and I'm eating it by myself, I might as well just eat it out of the tub. So, I'd say those sorts of the things that I inherited.

Taylor: [00:58:19] How would you define your relationship with your mother?

Justine: [00:58:23] It's very similar to Amanda's where I'm not a hugger. We don't hug. But my mom has been hugging more recently, but I think it's because I had to move, and she no longer sees me.  The relationship really is. I reach out to her if I do need something, or she reaches out to me if I need something.  She just checks in and she checks them more than I do. And she'll say, how are you doing and, message over Facebook, but we don't really talk on the phone and such. That was the relationship that we had.  Again, it's very similar to Amanda's. I would always be annoyed by my mother. I like, Oh, you want to go traveling?

Taylor: [00:59:01] Sorry. I don't get it. You guys had the nicest moms. 

Justine: [00:59:06] I know. The thing is she would always complain about a lot of things that I would get so annoyed that she would be complaining and I'm just like, stop, can you not? We're just here. So, I think that's also like why I didn't want her to come traveling with me. But, all the people, when my mom passed away, everyone had very kind words, and I was like, wow, I had no idea that she was this really sweet person and was very patient and all of that stuff, because like I said, I see the one who complains a lot. 

Taylor: [00:59:43] Within your culture, do you think that she raised you with in the expectations or did she deviate from it? 

Justine: [00:59:52] She didn't, she never hit my brother.  I don't know if she got that when she was younger, but obviously my dad did but she didn't really discipline us either. If you're playing good cop bad cop, she's always a good person. But she didn't pressure me into becoming a nurse. It was really my aunt who wanted me to become a nurse. Nevermind. She did somewhat try to push me in, into the medical field because she did tell me there was the EKG tech and she put me into that course. So, she had tried to push me into that, but. It didn't happen. I will say this though what I'm finding is that the future, it's going to suck when you have milestone events happening. So, like Amanda, your mom wants you to get married and have kids. And hopefully she would still be there or see the grandchildren or the child that you bear, if you do that. So, what I’m scared of, and I think that I would break down in the future is if that does happen, then how am I going to feel at that point? Because she didn't get to see me do that, even though I don't want to get married or have kids either, but we’ll see. But those milestone events, I'm afraid of just because I don't know how it's going to feel, even though it's going to be really sad in general anyway.

Taylor: [01:01:21] Understandable. Understandable. Yeah. We'll be there though. We'll help as much as we can. 

Justine: [01:01:27] I should say that I do have some great motherly figures in my life.  You guys know my Tita Amy and my Tita Susan. They are second moms to me and my brother because they were there. They helped raise us. So, I'm not necessarily without a motherly figure. They're there for, the continued support as well. So at least we still have that.

Taylor: [01:01:51] Are you going to hug them?

Justine: [01:02:01] No, that's a lie though. She did give me a hug when she was dropping me off at the airport, I think when I was flying back from New Jersey when my mom passed away. Yeah. Sorry, Amanda, were you going to say something? 

Amanda: [01:02:11] No, I was just going to say, if you need me to, I can totally be the person to threaten your significant other. I can do that.

Justine: [01:02:21] Why would you?

Amanda: [01:02:22] Listen, people need to have that person. So that they know if you fuck with my girl. I will fuck with you.

Justine: [01:02:31] Yes. Okay.

Taylor: [01:02:38] Cause it's going to be great because it'd be like me, Tiffany and Amanda and people will think I'll be the one that's gonna come and threaten you with it. You let the little one do it. It's scary. 

Justine: [01:02:46] To be honest, I thought Taylor would have been the one, but I'm glad Amanda, you're stepping up. And, doing that for me

Taylor: [01:02:56] all from my knowledge of how to hide people's bodies and having an extensive network of questionable people who can help me with those situations, but I think it's a lot more of a threat if it's Amanda. 

Justine: [01:03:12] And I'm sorry to continue, but I do want to say this week, because my mom's anniversary is on March 31st. But this past week I was eating a lot even without an appetite. And I shared that with you guys. And I was like, wondering, what, why was I doing that? Like overeating completely unnecessary. And I literally ate half a loaf of toast, of Nutella. And I was like what the fuck is going on? And I thought it was like school and shit, but the other day I was like, you know what? I think it's because it's my mom's, one year anniversary and the body probably has not had the time to really grieve because, when we look at grieving or mourning, we think about I guess typical type of morning where you're really sad and you don't want to hang out or there's just a period of time, right? But I think my body has been like, you haven't grieved. This is why the overeating has happened for the past week, but I allowed myself on, I think, Friday to cry it out and, really cry out because I didn't even do that. I think when she did pass away, because I was, again, trying to hide, I need to be a strong person and honestly doing that and acknowledging that, Hey. You’re acknowledging and accepting that you're doing these things because you are grieving because of her anniversary and that's completely fine. The next day I felt so much better and so much lighter because you got all of this out with a good cry session. And I think, People it's okay to do that. And people grieve in, in so many different ways. It feels it comes in waves comes and goes. And most of the times I'm just like, sometimes I'm like I don't acknowledge her, or I don't take the time to think about her. And I feel guilty for not thinking about her as often as I feel like I should, or as a grieving person should. But then again, have to remember that people grieve in different ways.

Taylor: [01:05:31] Oh yeah. Like I haven't, sometimes I joke. I was like, I have an unhealthy grieving process in that I make jokes all the time. And I make sure I'm laughing and I'm making sure the people around me are laughing because it's just my way of processing. I can sit in a funeral and laugh with my family and I know the other people I do. It's the, it's just the way I have to cope with it or else I would be a mess. 

Amanda: [01:06:04] You mentioned your mom liked to travel.  Was there anywhere specific? She wanted to go that you would go on her behalf.  

Justine: [01:06:10] So yeah, she actually wanted to.  I don't think she had a specific country in mind, but she wanted to go to Europe and stay in a castle overnight.

Amanda: [01:06:21] Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, we can split that. Yes. Yeah, no, I, Oh, hold on. 

Justine: [01:06:30] She wasn't even looking up some places. I think she saw some place. I don't know if she saw it on Airbnb or somewhere. She's just showing me but yeah, we can, when you guys come here, we can definitely castles on Airbnb. I have no idea. I just, I don't know where, but yeah, there's gotta be some castles on Airbnb, however, Versailles. So, Amanda one, you need to watch the show and two, Taylor, you can make it here to Paris and we can go to Versailles as well, but there is a hotel opening or has opened in Versailles. Oh, we can definitely stay there. Yeah. That is one place I would definitely like to stay at, so yeah. And I do have of course, some of her trinkets or jewelry. And so, I do, I think I shared with you I have resized some of the jewelry, so that's like my way of bringing her with me and that way, when I travel, she can come with me and experience that.

Taylor: [01:07:31] So my final question to you is if you could write a letter to your mother, what would you say to her at this stage, in your life for how, for what you would want to tell her is coming in the future? And anything else you'd like to say to her that you didn't get to say to her?

Justine: [01:07:59] I wonder how that's going to the thing. Okay. I'm gonna try to do this without crying.  I would say thank you. I feel like you guys, I think everyone in general just needs to appreciate the time they have with their families, even though it is, it can be very annoying and tiresome and all that because once they're gone on, there's no way to get that back and so to her, I'm sorry for always rejecting her on, wanting to come travel with me because I was like, no, I don't want you to travel with me. Because like I said, she's a bit annoying sometimes. But I've also enjoyed the road trips that we actually did. So, we went to Yosemite together or San Francisco. And so, we had some good times, even though I was a pain in the ass, I know I was a pain in the ass because I don't like to take pictures. But yeah, it would have been nice to also take additional pictures with her because I don't have. Any recent ones or they're not really that great. So, I feel like it's just a lot of regrets, but at the same time with the book motherless daughters at least I learned that you should not regret anything from it because then you'll start feeling guilty. I would say thank you. For being my mom, I don't know. I think that just sums up a lot of stuff. In general.

Justine:  [01:09:40] Just to reiterate what I said earlier, I really do enjoy the different perspectives, the different dynamics that we've had, because it shows There's so many different ways that we can grow up with our moms, with our families in general. So, I really enjoy talking to you guys about it and then obviously bringing on your moms and learning about their stories. It just learning what they did in order to raise you guys. Probably should have asked them, do you think you raised them like I don't know as amazing people or something, but I know that you guys are amazing people because of the way that your parents or your family has raised you. And of course, for those who don't have a mother figure in their life 

Taylor:  We see you that you're doing the best that you can. We see all of you out there with, if you grew up without a mom, if you grew up where your mom was distant, something happened, and they chose not to be in your life by their own actions or just that they weren't ready to be a parent. You're no less a well-rounded human being than somebody who grew up with a mother figure. 

Justine: [01:10:53] Thank you, Taylor. That was perfect.  I hope you all enjoy this episode, hopefully. And again, continue that conversation. Thanks for listening to United AF as friends with us. 

Taylor: [01:11:06] If you enjoyed today's episode, please like comment and share a conversation with your friends and family or on our social media pages.

Amanda: [01:11:15] Join us next time as we celebrate and talk about the evolution of Amanda that's me. 

 Taylor: [01:11:22] I am so excited for this conversation. I have so many. Awesome. Amanda stories that we have not shared yet, that I cannot wait to share with the rest of the world.