S2 EP 1: Do You Love Yourself?

Welcome Back!!! In our very first episode for season two, we’re jumping right in and what better discussion to have for the month of love than to talk about self-love. We ask the deep questions about self-love, self-care, etc. and how it relates to us in order to determine: “Do I love my-self?” 

Transcript

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Hey, y'all welcome to United AF. As friends podcast, a show where we try to unravel the complexities of our multicultural friendship and existing because millennials in today's world every other week, we'll get us together for a deep dive into how our friendship has survived and have some laughs while doing it.

We're your hosts, Amanda Justine and Taylor.

[00:00:23] Taylor: Hi, we're back at season two, we're going to take a deeper dive into our conversations this season. So we've now entered our thirties. Different people than we were a decade ago. I'm assuming, because that's normally what happens.

I'm a different person than I was two days ago. So how do y'all feel about that? 

[00:00:46] Justine: I definitely agree with you. I'm a completely different person from who I was a decade ago. And even by the end of season one, I was saying that I'm really excited for thirties.

Cause yeah, it's all about me and discovering me and doing a lot of things that I want to do for myself. So it's my selfish decade. 

[00:01:07] Taylor: Ooh, I like that. Okay.

[00:01:13] Amanda: Yeah, no definitely different than what I was 

[00:01:17] Taylor: a decade ago. 

[00:01:18] Amanda: I'd say this decade, I'm going to focus on what I want to. Not so much the path that Justine was taking but more of a, career wise, I'm going to go, I'm going to take what I want. I'm not going to care any longer about being nice to 

[00:01:34] Taylor: energy.

I love to hear. I would try and steal some of it. Yes, please 

[00:01:40] Amanda: do.

[00:01:44] Taylor: But I'm going to go through your example, man. I'll let you do it first. 

[00:01:46] Amanda: I'm a manager now, maybe not the managing position I wanted, but I'm managing and it's a step to getting what I want. 

[00:01:54] Taylor: And that's all part of life, full bottle learning who you are and figuring out what you want, what you don't want.

I am here for it. Thank you, Amanda. Be that example for other people it's free. For this season, we're going to focus on themes, more sore than every episode, doing a different topic. instead of just, doing appetizers of our. Our conversations, we're going to have a full meal.

We're going to sit down and go through seven courses to pick apart how we feel about these different topics. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm hungry at all.

Oh, I had an apple and I'm sipping on a cup of tea. 

Where were they going with this? 

Oh yeah, no, we're going for some deeper, more meaningful conversations because a lot of times we've skimmed the surface of a lot of the topics that we've covered and we don't, we get started into those good conversations and then we're like, we've been talking for three hours and we need to scale this down into an hour long episode and a lot gets left on the floor.

So what we want to do now is just really get to the crux about these kinds of heavy times. And we're going to start off with something that everybody could use a little bit more of, especially at this juncture in our lives, completely isolated to the fact that we're in this pandemic. That seems like it won't end until.

2075. Self-love that's our thing. It's February, we're getting to this time of, it's Valentine's day and he loved things and hi, love is in the air. Okay. That's great. That's great. And it always panders couples, folks who are in relationships. Great. What about the rest of us? But what about everybody in general?

What is the one type of love? We all really need a lot more of self-love. So we are now in a world where things are changing at a much exponentially at a quicker pace than ever at any juncture in time. So like everything since the technological booms of the fifties and sixties, where things have really accelerated a skit and mantle and all of that, we are doing things so much.

And changing things that a lot has been falling through the cracks. So these big campaigns that they do, some of them there's, some of them change with the population, some of them don't and one that's going around now a lot is body positivity and the importance of self care. And it is great in media.

It's everywhere that we see it. Yes. Yes. . I'm here for it, but how much of it are we actually doing? How much are we actually taking to heart? Like I can see body positivity. I can see people like Lizzo. I can see people like Adele, like all of these people who are out big girls out in the world, loving themselves, singing about loving themselves and all this up and doing what they do.

But how much does that actually translate into our everyday lives? We all exist in the dichotomy of the real world and our cultural heritage and our real, everyday life. So there's a lot that is ingrained in each of us, from what we have heard at home, what we've heard with family, with people who grow up in different in a, in the same culture as us.

As what we're supposed to do, what we're supposed to aspire for, what is supposed to make you happy versus the world saying, okay, it's okay to do something different now. It's okay to do stuff that makes you feel good, but it's not expected of you, but how do you pair that down into actually working in your everyday life where you are still got all of these things that are pulling you in and saying, okay, this is what I'm supposed to be, but this isn't what makes me happy.

So I am going to put that on the floor today for us to really figure out what is self-love and do. This is a question for everybody out there. Do you really love yourself? And so my big three questions that I'm going to pose to you guys that you're not going to answer now, are these three things, do you love yourself?

Are you on the road to loving yourself or do you even like yourself? Those are my three questions and I know you want to answer them, but I'm not going to.

Because that's not what you're supposed to start with. You can't give me those answers until we know what loving ourselves looks like. So that's what we're going to start with. What do you think loving yourself entails?

[00:06:41] Amanda: A loving myself? I would think that would be just putting yourself first taking care of yourself and that, on all different ways, health wise, it'd be like what you're putting into your body. Also maybe ask some exercise that might not be the worst thing.

I think, just doing like little things, like maybe just, take some time off to take a little mini mani, pedi day or, get your hair done, things like that. I think that's just I think that's how you would show that you love yourself. Yeah, that's all I got guys.

[00:07:15] Justine: Mine is short and sweet. It's accepting and embracing who you are as a person flaws and the perfections as well. 

[00:07:22] Taylor: Snaps to that one. I'm gonna I'm a coin that on you.

Accepting and embracing who you are as a person flaws and all. 

[00:07:34] Justine: Yeah, because you can accept your, I don't know, like when I was putting that together, it was like, if you're accepting or you actually embracing, so I'm like, you also have to embrace your, that acceptance because you can say, I accept that I am, maybe really shy, but am I going to embrace my shyness?

[00:07:51] Amanda: If that makes sense. 

[00:07:53] Taylor: Oh, great. I can, I agree. I could say I'm weird. I'm nerdy and just be cool with it. Or I can essentially let my freak flag fly, not fry. In a acceptable, in a socially acceptable. Yeah, or, but then again, is that C said, now that I'm saying it out loud, is that self-loving, if you're doing it in a socially acceptable way, are you doing it in a way that makes you feel good or is it some way that just calls to you? There's I don't know.

I, I, yeah. That's and that's why this is such a, this is a good, a really good topic because I've been trying to figure out what is self-love because a lot of what we do. Has to do with feeding off of other people and that when you practice self love and self care, does this mean you stop

letting those little morsels of yourself that depend upon the reactions of others? Because I do think that self-love is making sure that, I'm taken care of and making sure that I'm not falling apart and I can still function as a human. And that's like very bare bones about, that's not even the acceptance and embracing part, which I need to figure out how to skew my own two weeks, because it's, that has to do with the mentality of what you're taught to.

I love how you're taught to love of yourself. I think it's also, 

[00:09:25] Justine: yeah, I think it's also partially being selfish and and not caring what other people think, because if you're loving yourself, It's really looking at who you are, except again, I'm sorry. I'm going to go back to my definition, accepting and embracing that.

Not, everybody's going to love parts of you, but you love every part of you. So it's just I lost my train of thought 

[00:09:52] Taylor: a lot

[00:09:57] Amanda: as we get older, it just keeps 

[00:09:59] Taylor: happening and that's a part that you have to accept and embrace.

[00:10:02] Justine: Yeah, I think, sorry. Yeah, there's a part of you in the self-love where it's like you, you can not care what other people think you really have to embrace what you think about yourself and just like, I don't care if you don't like it. Fuck it. I don't give two shits. I love me. That's part of it.

I feel 

[00:10:21] Taylor: oh yeah. Most definitely. You have to. Saying it out loud is more than me having it in my head now, but yeah, you're completely right. You have to have a level of, I'm sorry, in this instance, it's me. Definitely. And I can't deal with you. It's that? It's just, I can't this, I need to put myself first Sorry, this is my train of thought just went like four different places in my brain. And now I'm like, I need to read, I need to reign them all in. So yeah. So Amanda, your definition of self love involved self care Justine, do you think that they are the same thing? It's self care and self love? The same thing.

[00:11:07] Justine: I think self care can bring you to self love. Like those are the things that you need to do to bring you to say, I do love myself because you do need to take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, then how can you love yourself? So then they aspects that Amanda shared, which I also had thought about for what is self-care you're taking the time to recharge yourself and really be in your own environment that you love that can relax you, that can recharge you. And that could be the things that Amanda had mentioned, like manicure, et cetera, but, and exercise may feel like spa days. Like I do, I would do that. In your own element and just really enjoying, and that way you can be like, oh, this is nice.

Nothing's bothering me. Nothing's getting in my way. This is what I love to do just for myself. And it's just really. Yes, I love it. Today me and my flatmate went to Battersea park and when we got there was just like, oh my God, the sun, it's so nice. It's just nice to be outside.

It's just, and it's something that I do enjoy and I love these walks and such, and it's just, again, it's part of the whole self care, which would lead to long-winded answer.

[00:12:30] Taylor: We all have those,

Yeah, those are all great things to do. Like for me, if I want to just sit and close my door and read a book, that's my. Example of self care and self loving that I don't need anybody else in my space right now. I just need me. It's just, I need to turn the brain off and just exist in the moment for something that makes, that gives me a good feeling.

Amanda, the question for you is do you think if by Justine's definition, self care leads to self-love. Are these both a form of self-preservation.

[00:13:12] Amanda: Huh. So preservation 

[00:13:15] Taylor: really make anything this 

[00:13:17] Justine: time. Yeah. I have a question for Taylor though. How would you define self preservation? 

[00:13:23] Amanda: Yes. Okay.

cause I was thinking like, Yeah, you don't want to know where my 

[00:13:32] Taylor: mind went. Why? 

[00:13:36] Amanda: My self preservation by me not driving a car.

Okay. That's 

[00:13:52] Taylor: actually a really good one though. Laughter aside your presentation of self is that makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. You don't trust yourself in that position. You don't want to be forced to be put into that position . Okay. So for me, Amanda, that is self preservation.

You're not doing anything that puts your message. Physical or emotional health at risk. And that's what that is. And we may laugh because we know how you feel about driving and you being the Mixmaster of public transportation and rideshare apps. You're doing that because you love yourself and that Amanda knows this is not going to make me feel.

I don't want the stress of being behind the wheel of the car. She knows how to drive. She has a license, but you don't trust other people and you don't trust your reaction to them. And you grown enough to know this is not for me. 

[00:14:55] Amanda: Yes. If only others recognize that 

[00:14:58] Taylor: they're not at your level yet. Yes. So I think self presence.

So to answer your actual question self-preservation is like I said, doing what you have to do to protect your social, emotional and mental health. 

[00:15:22] Amanda: Now, what was the original 

[00:15:23] Taylor: question? Physical. Sorry, is self. Okay. If self care to self love is self-love just self preservation.

Justine. What is that like? Sorry, 

[00:15:35] Justine: I don't think, I don't think it's the same thing though. 

[00:15:38] Amanda: Okay. Really? Cause I was leaning towards, it 

[00:15:41] Taylor: was the same thing. 

[00:15:42] Amanda: If you 

[00:15:43] Taylor: love 

[00:15:43] Amanda: yourself, you're going to do what you can to protect yourself from anything that's gonna cause you harm in whichever way. 

[00:15:51] Justine: True.

[00:15:53] Taylor: So how were 

[00:15:54] Amanda: you thinking.

[00:15:54] Justine: W when Taylor was explaining it, I was following that train of thought and I was just like, my immediate answer was no. 

But one are going to like my self love definition. You're embracing those flaws and. The perfection. So then technically, yes, because if you're, you don't want to drive, if you don't want to go out and, be at a bar or something like that, or if you don't want to do some public speaking, those are things that you're not going to do, because then it's like scares the shit out of people.

And you're not really self-loving. I don't know. I feel like my train of thought is just not here today.

But my initial reaction was no. Can we accept that? But I 

[00:16:40] Amanda: do get what you're I do 

[00:16:42] Taylor: get what you're saying. 

[00:16:45] Justine: I just don't have an explanation for it, unfortunately. And I know that we need to, provide a, but 

[00:16:49] Amanda: So what okay. You were talking about the public speaking thing, right? 

[00:16:53] Justine: I don't mind public speaking though.

See, 

[00:16:55] Amanda: I hate public speaking. I suck at it, but for work I have to do. It's just something that I have to accept, but I also think that goes against my self preservation because sometimes when I'm doing it, I'll blurt something out. I'm like, fuck, I shouldn't have said that. 

[00:17:13] Taylor: But I think that happens to all of us.

That's everybody that when they have to speak in front of other people, they're like, oh that's not right.

[00:17:20] Amanda: What 

[00:17:21] Justine: about you, Taylor? 

[00:17:23] Taylor: Yeah. See, I created the question so I wouldn't have to answer it. But

I was going to let that, I should've just jumped on to the next one. So yeah. I don't know. See, I'm more on the no self preservation is not self-love because there are a lot of things you do to protect yourself. That's sometimes is not the same as loving yourself. Like on one hand, it is loving yourself, but at the other hand, it's not because you have to do things too.

So like you, Amanda, you just said you public, you hate public speaking, but you do it

inside you're in turmoil. And when you do things that, cause that turmoil, that's not loving yourself, but we, but it's hard because we exist in a world where we have to do a lot of things we do not want to, we would never choose to do, but because it's socially expected or it's work-related, you have to do those things and then comes to the point.

If it's at. If it's at the expense of your mental health, is it worth the paycheck? And then that becomes that whole thing of are you selling your soul to be able to get paid? And then you live, you're living in a world where we exist. Behest of the dollar bill.

We can not escape it. There is no, unless we become Amish. Or go live on an island somewhere, which is very hard to do. You can't exist without. And so th like right now, we're in a time where we're in the great resignation to bring in current events, we're in the great resignation, because with COVID all these things happened where we were in a pandemic, we were locked down.

Okay. Jobs had to rearrange themselves, they got rid of peop people were put on furlough, they weren't getting paid. Then the government was giving up the stipends and then everybody was like, okay, we have to come up with new ways to exist and live. Provide for ourselves. And this is a way of self-love. I have to quit my job and do something that's going to provide for myself.

But at the same time you had other people who were lucky enough to have their jobs. So like people like me and Amanda are still in the same job that we've had throughout this entire pandemic. I've been talking to a lot of my friends who are still employed and then. Are burned out. We're all burnt out because all these people left and then all the jobs get put on or rearranged, but there's no compensation to it.

But you also know at the same time, you don't have what it takes. Like it's not that you don't have what it takes. You're not in the mental space to switch your job or let's carve something else out for you. All of these factors in my life is not a good jumping. This is not a good jumping off point.

And then you have the other people who are telling you, you have, but if you don't do it now, when are you going to do it? Okay, calm down. That works for you. And that's about my self preservation, but at the same time, I can say that it's, I'm not loving myself if I'm keeping myself in these instances.

All 

[00:20:30] Justine: right. And with your explanation of like another. It feels like self preservation feels like you're Kermit or hermit, hermit, crabs.

where you're internalizing everything. And you're like I want to keep this for myself and all of that stuff. And you're just bottling yourself up because you're afraid to show or be part of the world. And you're, just like I want this for me.

I want. It's just, I don't know. I just feel like you're hiding yourself and just again, like you see, my whole body language is just it's an internal thing where it's self love. It's oh, yay. I've I'm like it's terminology. I showcasing it to the world. I'm completely fine with who I am and just living out and just.

Out and about and society and just enjoying life. I don't know. That's like other, nevermind I D I'm done. 

[00:21:25] Amanda: No, 

[00:21:26] Taylor: I

can't. We just, can we backpedal to a moment of Justine. I feel like your own self love is right now in a moment of turmoil because you're second guessing yourself. And you've never done that before around. 

[00:21:45] Justine: I know, but it's when you have so many thoughts and explanations going into your head it's and all, I guess this is the public speaking, as well as like, is that right?

Is that, am I going down the right path? And most times I can see my thought process and not even know how to explain it and all that other stuff, but like sometimes it just hits at the end and you're like, but there's something more, there's something missing that I'm just not getting.

Too. And it's oh I'm getting there. Like the path is there, but there's still something deeper that I haven't figured out yet. Swimming through my mind.

I think eventually it'll be like, oh my God. That's it. But right now. Yeah. 

[00:22:38] Taylor: And see, now that I've let you have your train of thought, my brain just frizzed out for a second. Next question. We never came to this. Okay. So we came to a definitive answer on that day. We each think something very different.

Yes. Yeah. In that it's like they're a progression, but they're not exactly a Venn diagram type deal. I guess they're very close. They're like cousins, self care, self love, and self preservation in the same family. Sometimes they align sometimes. Like sometimes you get different feelings yeah.

Okay. So now that we got a good grasp on what we each think of as self grasp,

[00:23:32] Amanda: an idea, a general idea. Yes. We 

[00:23:35] Taylor: want to keep, do we want to keep on this until? We get a definitive feeling that I feel that we should. 

[00:23:41] Justine: I think the one that I'm struggling with is the self-preservation. I think I understand self love because I feel like I'm on the I'm again, it's my decade to be selfish.

And I feel like I am loving myself so much more than I have previously. It's this new thing of self preservation it is. Is it the same thing as self care or self love?

[00:24:03] Taylor: Amanda? 

[00:24:04] Amanda: I understand the self-love part also with the self preservation on Justine. However, I think I'm a little I guess I'm on like a different wavelength than you guys with the preservation

There's similar, not exact. Just that there's similar that, you do what you gotta do with, that's going to make you feel good, but that, if you're doing something that's against that, then that's not self preservation. So that's why I feel like, self love and self preservation are kinda like hand in hand.

If that makes. It does. 

[00:24:38] Taylor: Okay. I think that,

like I said, I think they're all very similar, but they're not exactly. There's very different levels to each of them, like when I'm doing my self care. Okay. Yes. It's got elements of self-love in some parts and elements of self preservation and others. When I'm doing things that are self loving, that is that's a different vibe to me, completely in that this is me doing what I want being who I want and just really not caring and then things for self preservation.

Are getting me to where I need to survive. I think self preservation is a survival tactic 

[00:25:21] Justine: cell phone to go with it. The actual definition of it. Yes. It includes 

[00:25:26] Taylor: that. Oh, I'm glad you actually Googled it. Cause I did not. That was thought of as smarter, but. Hindsight is also 2020. That's why I worry less.

I went to self preservation and it was survival 

[00:25:42] Amanda: tactic 

[00:25:43] Taylor: and self-love I think is just getting me to where I'm content with who I am. 

[00:25:57] Amanda: Now until, 

[00:25:58] Taylor: Okay. So now that I think we have more tangible definitions and Justine as her Webster's dictionary out How do you experience self love slash self care in your everyday life?

Do you even think about it? Let's start there. Do you even actively think about your self care?

[00:26:26] Amanda: No. Now until, you know, the outline came out.

[00:26:34] Justine: I do think about self care all the time. I feel like I do a lot of things that again, that is just part of my self-care routine. So such as doing my jump roping going on, walks, getting coffee, things like that. Doing massages or going to the spa. and having some time to read, those are the things that I like to do for self care.

So I feel like I, I do 

[00:26:55] Taylor: I'm so jealous, listening to your whole Pantheon of self care things. I'm doing something wrong is what this is. Listen, you have 

[00:27:07] Justine: to take care of that out. Like I, I, I do, even though I'm a city girl and I do love nature, so I'd love, I love going to the parks and enjoying, all of the.

The trees and such in the dogs just running around. It's oh my God. I want to pat you yourself fluffy and adorable. 

So yeah, I do love that. And I think it's a great way to just your mind is not thinking about so many things because you're just enjoying such. And I know that some people love running because to them it clears their head.

So it's just, figuring out like what. You do like to do to again, just recharge yourself and take that time for you. But it also helps that I was on company holiday for two and a half weeks. So normally I don't read a lot, but because I was on company holiday, I had been reading.

So you guys off of self-care 

[00:28:00] Taylor: I don't do any, 

[00:28:01] Amanda: The only thing I would say is when I when I have the time and I do my meal preps and I cook, I'm very, I try to put only good stuff, all fresh, healthy, I'm not big on junk food. Putting what's in my body, that's about it.

Okay. Cool. 

[00:28:14] Justine: Let me ask you guys, what is one thing that you can implement now to be part of your self-care? Doesn't have to be something big. It can be something really small, but something that you would enjoy to do for yourself to again, be part of your self-care. 

[00:28:35] Amanda: I would like to take like a. Even if I have to take a work day off, especially cause I'm really bad at taking my PTO days.

Just to do a spa day. I've never had done, gone to a spa. I have no idea what that's all about so, oh yeah.

[00:28:56] Taylor: Okay. Amanda, I have your Christmas gift, but now I have to take you to.

[00:29:03] Amanda: What's a good one. Like I could Google like spas near me, but it's like, yeah, I don't know. No, we're not, 

we're 

[00:29:08] Taylor: not going to one. That's in Essex county. We're going to one that's in Bergen county. I think it is. I'm going to figure this out. Okay. I have to, I got a sync our schedules.

It's an all-inclusive spa, like. Manis, pedis full body massages, everything. Lemon water, you get a robe and everything is okay. Sorry. It's no going into the spot is an experience. that's the thing, but it's something that you need. So this, see, this goes into the cultural versus social aspects of it.

In that socially, your friends are telling you, you need to go to the spa because it's amazing, but has anybody in your family gone to a spa? No. Exactly. So you're not exposed to it once, 

[00:29:53] Amanda: but yeah, no, that's not a thing. Like my mom. Obviously the main woman in my life and she that's the example I followed and she was never about spas or getting her hair done or getting manis, pedis or anything like that.

And that's kinda what I f ollow now. Her self care, I think was always just being able to take time off, to catch up on a show and take a nap. And that's me, 

[00:30:19] Justine: but that's fine too. If you love watching TV, if just having that downtime to yourself, that is self-care, it doesn't always have to be a spa.

Doesn't have to, be yoga or meditation, whatever it is, it's whatever you like to do for yourself. Just as long as you have the time to do that, make the time. 

[00:30:39] Taylor: See, but you also have to healthily make the time to do that because I think my self-care is unhealthy at the same time, because I do, I may not practice active self care, but I do check in with myself and I realized that if I haven't either been dancing, been singing I'm starting to unravel.

cause when things get. When things get, when I get overwhelmed, I have learned that I need to do something. So like, when we used to work in bakery, when I was overwhelmed, I would sing hooked on a feeling, ah, hooked on a feeling because it's got that whole like big buildup thing. I was like, To take a little bit of the pressure off.

It's like opening up a pressure cooker and it's to take it a little bit off of it at the time. But nowadays I don't, I worked at a job where music isn't a thing. And I can't, there's no time where I can listen to music. And that is a big. Of my relaxation so like I was saying for my self-care is not, I don't think it's healthy you're saying what's the one thing you can do to change it?

I did that when I realized I couldn't sing and I couldn't be dancing when I was at work, like I had in the past where I worked at other places, I've gotten to the point where, okay. I make sure I read for at least an hour a day. Now this is a good practice when it's done correctly. But I come home from work.

I have to shower. After I shower, I normally pass out because I'm exhausted because being remote, a lot of my job is on the computer. regardless, a lot of my job is on the computer, even if I'm in-person or remote. And that has been draining for the past. Now that like everything with the pandemic, everything about it is just.

 My form of self care is reading and that with everything that's been going on with the pandemic and my day now, my commute is longer. I'm driving for an hour of my day now.

I come home, I'm exhausted. I shower. I go, I pass out. I don't really sleep. I do pass out a lot of times afterwards. And then I wake up it's dinner time after dinner. It's pretty much bedtime. Cause it's like 10, nine o'clock, 10 o'clock. But I make sure I read, but in doing that, I'm only sleeping for four hours before I have to get up to go to work again, like I'm sleeping, I'm reading from 10 to 11, then I'm sleeping from 11 to five.

That's not healthy at the same time, but I'm getting that form of self-preservation. There's no self care in sorry, using the wrong word. I'm getting my self care in, but at the same time, it's at the expense of my sleeping. So the one thing I can do for my self care slash self-love is to better organize my sleeping.

And that in prioritizing what I'm doing for self care, I have to move that to earlier in my day.

[00:33:49] Justine: At least it's one thing you guys can try to do towards your self care. 

[00:33:59] Taylor: My question for you is how long did it take you to get there? Is this something you've always done or is this something you just. 

[00:34:07] Justine: I would say recently, because even jump roping, I didn't start until when the pandemic started, when everyone was picking hobbies and such, but me and my flatmate in LA, we decided to exercise in the morning with the jump roping and also with walking for good 30 minutes.

And then we would go get ready for work. And I enjoy that first. Actually we were trying to exercise together and do running and I hated running, oh my God. That was so hard for me. And I still hate running. And so I suggested one time that we try jump roping and maybe it's something that we can do together.

 It really wasn't part of let me do this to exercise, let me, lose weight or whatever is just a little bit of what we can do together. And yeah, it was just when I saw those results afterwards, I'm like, oh, you know what, let me continue jump roping because it's actually a really good thing for you.

 Yeah, my cardio in without having to run and I fucking hate running. And it's, it's just, it's great to concentrate on that for a good, few minutes. You don't need a lot of time to do jump roping at all. Then I moved over here, eh, continued the jump roping, but then also with my flatmate and everything with the going on is just.

Really nothing other than just walking around we chatted, we sometimes walk in silence and it's just nice to walk around. And then when she wasn't walking with me, I also, I still walking by myself and just, and taking in the. The quietness of the town.

And I just really like that, just being outside and being able to exercise for a bit since it's my alone time as well. So it's just w I don't think there was an epiphany for it. It was. I do doing this and I like routines as just really easy to put that into your routine. And then when your routine is disrupted all hell breaks loose.

So yeah, I, it just w it wasn't, it definitely wasn't like, oh my God, this is amazing. It was, I think, a gradual thing that I just really didn't expect to have. An effect, a really positive effect on me for my self care.

[00:36:19] Taylor: That's good. Now you said something about routine now that, and that's a good one to bring up because I feel like I have had a standard routine for my mornings before I go to work for like the past 10 years since I've started working at this job because I have to be there obviously before the kids get there.

I know what I have to do before you get it. And now that I've moved locations that has definitely affected my routine and also my sister's job changed. So she doesn't have to go in so super early anymore. So I've never had to fight for a bathroom before. And I don't even think she realizes it because for so long, she was either she had to be at work by six o'clock in the more.

Or she was working the night shift. So the two of us never clashed in the morning. And my mom just always, she was like, I don't have to do anything because she's retired. She goes, I just let you guys do it. And then once you guys leave the house, I can get my routine, do it done. I didn't realize. And this has to do with checking in with yourself.

I didn't realize how much my mental. Like my whole routine, my mental, everything got disrupted when my sister became a manager because her job is seven minutes from our house, so she doesn't have to be there to seven o'clock in the morning or seven 15.

I need this not to interfere. And then the addition of the cat too, he's on a routine. So she's got to be up to feed him like all of this. I didn't realize until recently how much all of it was playing with how I'm feeling and how I'm like, am I unraveling? Or like, why am I so extra tense in the morning?

I've never been like this before. And I'm like, it's because I'm used to coming downstairs. Being in the kitchen and being able to do what I want to do. And I'm not going to see anybody because even with light sensitivity, I go in to the kitchen and the lights are still off. So now someone else comes in and they're turning the lights on and then they leave the room and the lights are still on.

And I'm like, yeah, you didn't even realize the lights were off, like these little things. And I'm like, I have to share a space and like getting that part of my psyche back on it's been fun. I will definitely say that it's been fun trying to get myself to it because it's not, none of it is my sister's fault.

It's just, it's part of that selfishness and that I want things to stick this way, but like you said, when your routine is disrupted all hell breaks loose. Can't you pay attention, but at the same time, if I don't say anything, there's nothing she can do about it. What am I expecting her to know everything?

Are you going to talk to her about it? Probably not.

No, because it's 

[00:39:21] Justine: just 

[00:39:22] Taylor: no, for once. This is not me not liking confrontation. It's that? This is if I fix myself in this. It's the least things that need to change. Okay. I just have to make sure that fi I have to change myself from five 30 to five o'clock. Now I have to set my alarm to five o'clock so that I'm downstairs by five 30 instead of five 30 and going downstairs at six when she's downstairs and like all of the other stuff.

Now how about you, Amanda? What do you do when your routine. 

[00:39:55] Amanda: Oh. Oh. my morning routine was pretty set for quite a few years, get up every morning at four so I could take care of my dog. Cause he got up at four because he, as he got older, he had trouble holding his. So once I heard that the click clacking of his nails, I was like, I'm up?

And I scooped him up and it would go outside and I would walk him for about 15 minutes. Let him do his business. Come back in. I lab with him, kinda calm down five in the morning, feed him. Then I started getting myself ready. Just recently, he's no longer with me so that it threw me off completely.

Like my body is set to wake up for the morning. So now I got up and I'm just like laying in bed and I can't fall back to sleep. So this past week I would just log in to 

[00:40:43] Taylor: work. 

[00:40:44] Amanda: Yeah. So I would work at 

[00:40:45] Taylor: can't wait,

logging out early 

[00:40:49] Amanda: I'm salary. Doesn't matter if I log in or what time I log in or off. 

[00:40:55] Taylor: Same amount. Okay. But you're not working 

[00:40:57] Justine: extra hour class in the morning. Now I 

[00:40:59] Amanda: still am because this past week was closing week. 

[00:41:02] Taylor: See this, see, this is all us doing unhealthy. These are unhealthy.

I know

13 years. My, 

[00:41:11] Amanda: Longer, I wasn't logging off to about 11, 11 30. No, Amanda, 

[00:41:18] Taylor: that's unhealthy. I know. And you're salaried. That's healthy, but I can't say anything cause I'm doing bad hypocritical. So small change 

[00:41:31] Justine: Can you read, read a book at four o'clock in the morning, drink some tea while you're reading a book, 

[00:41:38] Taylor: a fork, we do a puzzle, the Amanda's puzzle lady do a puzzle at four in the morning.

[00:41:44] Justine: You do something that you like to do. Don't go, don't log in at four o'clock in the morning for work. Oh my God. Nobody 

[00:41:53] Taylor: needs that. Because that was 

[00:41:55] Amanda: always, that's like my life it's just, during the weekday, it was just the dog and work. That was it. 

[00:42:00] Justine: But that is where it's like, when I would take myself.

So finding out how you can, put some time for yourself during the week, because again, it's all about self love and doing that work-life balance, just read a book, do a puzzle, drink some tea.

I 

[00:42:16] Amanda: gotta go get me a book. I don't think I have 

[00:42:19] Justine: you have what happened to your shelf 

[00:42:20] Taylor: of books?

[00:42:27] Amanda: No, I actually brought it over. It's all here. Okay.

[00:42:32] Taylor: You're funny, Amanda, 

[00:42:35] Justine: like you go to the library and get a book. I'm 

[00:42:37] Amanda: one of those people. Who's I have a whole bunch of books, three, but I'm going to go buy more books. 

[00:42:42] Taylor: Don't you have a, like how I have a Kindle subscription. Don't you have books that you can read on your phone.

I've seen you do it before. Oh the, an ereader thing. My phone. Yeah. Read.

Yeah.

you know what, I'm not going to, 

[00:43:07] Amanda: I'm used to the hard copies. I don't know, not hard copies, but touch and feel of a book. 

[00:43:12] Justine: You never done the reader thing. You know what you do? The first the book that's on the top shelf all the way to the left. You could start with that book, pull it out and read it to me.

[00:43:23] Taylor: Instead of working at four in the morning, that is insane. 

[00:43:30] Justine: Or you can wait, you can even do is put that if you have a bedside table, put that book right next to that, on your bedside table. And that way, when you wake up, you just pick it up and you read it. Obviously, maybe make yourself a cup of tea, but you could just it's right there.

You pick it up and you read it. Sometimes I read a book before I go to sleep and it's on my bedside. 

[00:43:51] Taylor: Watch a sunrise, 

[00:43:53] Amanda: like there's so much

[00:44:05] Taylor: my issue is time. You have the time. Cause you're waking up at four in the morning, just don't work. And I think that is part of. Justine said her thirties or her selfish time for me in myself. And I think Amanda, you need to do this too. You need a re-evaluation of what your life is in your thirties, because you said Monday through Friday, you're just work and the dog.

That's a problem. That's unhealthy. That is for all these years, y'all told me I've had no work-life balance. Amanda, we let you slip through the cracks and I apologize. Because this issue, 

[00:44:44] Justine: doesn't talk about it, the way that you talk about 

[00:44:46] Taylor: it. 

[00:44:49] Justine: I feel like we need to do, an evaluation for Amanda, 

[00:44:53] Taylor: but that'll be another time.

Not right now. Yeah. Yeah.

That'll be a whole thing, but I feel like that is a thing that as young professionals, everybody needs to do and. What is, what are your values and what is it that you're doing in your life? What are you doing? Why are you there? And then are you existing or are you living?

Cause I know I'm trying to live, trying very hard to live. I try and do little things that. I am living my best life brunches going to Comicon those moments, but still during the week, I'm still just existing. I'm punching clock in and out. Amanda, you are so much more than working a dog because you need to, we gotta get, we gotta take you hobby hunting

it. In all honesty. We need you to realize there's so much more to Amanda than clocking in for 74 hours. And that is why you have these issues too. Like you told you talked to us off of this with there were 33,000 lines for you at work and you took off 1600. And then split the rest amongst four other people, right?

Yeah. About, so they were averaging 300 when you did 1600 and you're willing to do that because you're working for 13 hours, your, you are worth so much more than what you're doing. And I know this is just the sitting there sipping her tea with her eyes all big, but she's like Taylor whatever it's us

it's it's no me saying sipping her tea is it's a figure of speech

and I have to remind me. This is always 

[00:47:07] Justine: ask if you're being sarcastic, because I can 

[00:47:09] Taylor: never tell. I know, but yeah, no, Justine is giving me side eye with the eyes. Cause I know she saying Taylor, you also have these issues, but seeing it any, you, Amanda, it's scary because you are so much. Like we know you're so much more than that.

We do that. Figure out how to get into your brain and let you know, you don't need to be working for 14 hours if you're not like the CFO,

even if they don't work that much now they definitely don't

[00:47:41] Justine: think it's, it's part of the. American culture as well, which is not really, it's not amazing. Obviously we're supposed to be working a 40 hour plus work week. The 40 is technically the minimum. And most of the times you don't get more than a 20 minute break for lunch, and Even though I do complain about it here.

I'm working, I think 35 hours a week, and then I have an hour lunch break. And so the definitely the first month I was like, what am I going to do for a whole hour? This is weird to me. This is so new. And like in the office, it's harder because it's I can buy lunch and then And eat it really quickly, whatever.

So it's okay, am I just going to go shopping for the next, 30 minutes or so, but you then eventually get used to it. And then obviously you're having lunch with some colleagues and just talking for a good hour. Or you can do some additional errands that you need to do within that hour.

And then working from home. It's great because I do cook. And so that takes a few minutes to cook, but then I can watch two episodes of The Office. And so there's things that I can do within that hour just to turn off. And then by five o'clock I'm done, I'm not going to continue to work.

And so I think that also is it's the work environment. The culture that you're in and just like it, it's definitely hard to adjust if it's not part of society.

[00:49:07] Taylor: Yes, but at the same time, it's not just being part of society. It's I think it's because Amanda's so responsible. 

[00:49:18] Justine: You're very career focused, looking at you said earlier that you want it to, you're going to be selfish for your career and you're going to go for what you want for your career.

[00:49:30] Taylor: Yes, 

[00:49:32] Justine: but that doesn't mean you need to work 72 

[00:49:34] Taylor: hours.

[00:49:38] Justine: Oh, you can definitely get what you want with being able to balance. Yeah. 

[00:49:46] Taylor: And I think this is something you're going to learn now that you are the manager in that you have to let go. 

[00:49:53] Amanda: Yeah, my 

[00:49:55] Justine: find. Yeah. So let go and delegate. I don't know if you're let go is different from delegating. Okay. Great. So yeah, what I see is that a lot of managers don't know how to delegate because yeah, they don't have the trust of their employees and they feel like they need to complete everything or things need to be by them.

And still things need to go through them. They don't need to. Do the work, but still needs to go through them. So that there's that trust that you need to build obviously with your employees, but yeah, a lot of which is really frustrating because it's like the manager seems to do so much And I don't like that. So try to delegate Amanda, 

[00:50:36] Taylor: you have to figure out how to do that. I know. And we, I just want to say that we're saying this from a place of love now. I know

I don't work on. Yeah. And we are all works in progress. 

[00:50:58] Taylor: So going back what is. That you are valuing in your social life, your personal life, your work life now. And how does that fit into your efforts for self love and self care? we know you are very career focused and we know that is a big part of yours.

Yes. 

[00:51:19] Amanda: I'm trying to think of like the personal.

[00:51:24] Taylor: God.

What do I value 

[00:51:25] Amanda: with social? I guess like the people that I'm surrounding myself with, like my friends, you guys the brunch 

[00:51:32] Taylor: crew, 

[00:51:35] Amanda: just, That's the time, really to dig deep. That really is just like a time of decompress and just have a bunch of laughs like that. I need that now. I'm starting to recognize why I need

but 

[00:51:52] Taylor: yeah. That's it. It's like knowing what you surround yourself, what do you, okay, so that's another way to put it. What do you surround yourself with to help in your efforts for self-care and self-love not exactly what you value. 

[00:52:07] Amanda: Okay. So but it's still kind like ties in because I surround myself with people who are going to be fun and carefree sometimes. 

[00:52:15] Justine: So I would say going for what you want is a personal value, cause I also live by that too quality time for the social life and being able to have those, like those deep conversations and having that safe space to be able to talk about those conversations. And then for the, work-life having a fair working environment and also good culture.

I think another important it's just that you like where you're working. Cause if you don't like where you're working, we're not going to be putting much into it, much effort either. So 

[00:52:55] Taylor: that's how I feel about working life. Agreed. So I think for myself, I value in all three aspects, respect in my social personal and work life.

And that if you can treat someone else, if you can talk to someone without talking down to them, I really value that because there are a lot of people even when they're talking to kids, don't talk to them. Like they're beneath you. Talk to them. Like they're people, because at some point they're going to grow.

And remember that instance and it really affects people I'm a very compassionate person question mark. And that I'm very aware of other people's feelings when I do things. And that is a part of some of my issues and the people pleasing aspect and stuff, but I'm like hyper aware of what I do and how that affects other people.

Like Amanda, I want to be around fun people. And I also want to be around people who challenge me because a lot of times people back down from me, which I still don't know. Like when I walk into it if I'm in a conversation or I'm in a debate about something, people don't want to push me.

And when I find somebody who finally does, I am intrigued, I'm like, okay, we can definitely be friends because you're worth it. You're putting in the effort. You're challenging me on something. You don't just take what I say and not say anything. Just go with it. No. You're gonna bring something to this.

For it Yeah, I think that's where I am. 

 All right. I think that is a good place to stop for today. I would like to say thank you to my lovely co-host for their honesty as always. And we'd like to thank your listeners for listening to today's discussion.

[00:54:40] Justine: Don't worry, we'll be back next week to continue our discussion. As we delve deeper into the levels of loving ourselves,

[00:54:47] Taylor: As always, if you enjoyed today's episode, please like comment and share a conversation with your friends and family. Let us know your thoughts on our Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter pages at United as friends, or shoot us an email at United, as friends at g-mail dot com.